I'd like to take a little time to talk about fame. It happens to me a lot lately when anytime I try to sit down and hash out a topic, especially if it hits close to home, my brain shuts down. It is incapable of analyzing. It tells me everything is fine, and I can just be a drama queen sometimes, this isn't really a problem. I'm going to try to fight that.
Something that came up when I was filming my response to Andrew Bravener was this idea of YouTube fame having sort of sullied my experience. Why is fame such a big deal? I'm not asking this in a way of saying I'm above it. Because I'm not. I struggle against the pull to want fame. But what does having fame mean to me? And others? And why do we want it? Is it just going back to that basic human desire to be, well, desired? To be wanted? To be something of novelty? Okay, fine, you're a novelty. Then what? Because money and "stuff" really doesn't do that much for me. I think it's more about being wanted. But then what do you do with that?
Things like this make me question every thing I do, every relationship I seek. Why is someone so shy, so content to be under the radar at the same time wish people would seek her out? I just get so jumbled up about these things sometimes.