BEDA28 | Little snooze cat.

Sometimes I stop for a moment.  What am I saying?  I never stop.  This a was a totally unique, first-time experience.  At least in this way.  And maybe it will happen again.  But I woke up from half a cat nap.  And I just froze for a moment.  I froze and I lay still.  On my stomach.  Phone in hands.  My eyes held open, glazing over.  And I shut down.  I shut off.  And in that tiny little moment I could feel the whirr of my body.  Little mechanical ticks.  Like I'm some sort of machine.  Some sort of living, breathing, functioning organism that propels itself forward.  That isn't just all mind.  My mind was gone.  And in the little moment I just was.  A little living, breathing, ticking thing.

And then I blinked and I was back.

BEDA27 | Thinking Critically

This is a term that is thrown around a lot in higher education:  thinking critically.  Go to college, go to university, and you will be challenged to think more critically.  That little word duo has always thrown me off because I always assume that I'm not thinking hard enough.  I'm not analyzing things as deeply as they should be.  I always just assume that I'm not thinking critically, that I'm missing something.  Like there's always a level farther--more... right?  More true?  More fair?  Should that have been "truer, fairer?"  Whatever.  What I'm saying is this whole culture of "critical thinking" in university still baffles me.  Because I don't know what it means.  Or if I meet one person's meaning of it, I feel that there must be something more critical beyond that as well.

This is something that makes sense in my head, but I'm realizing that as I'm typing this out... it may not be translating too well.

BEDA16 | Things I like

Well, well, well.  Look what the cat dragged in.

I really love filling journals.  It's one of those things that can simultaneously be a pastime and a chore.  But the pages.  Pages covered in writing.  An entire book.  I love being able to flip through that.

Today I was in a writing mood.  Which typically means I'm in a cranky mood, and I need to expel some items from my head before I go bonkers.  I was going over the interests of this one person that I know and how I don't really share any of them.  Which seems like, you know, an issue if you want to be friends with this person.  Because at the end of the day, friendship is a lot about relating.  And if you can't relate... well?

So there I was moaning about my head not being filled with the kind of things this person likes, and then I thought to spin it.  What is my head filled with?  I can be one of those annoying people who think they are boring.  In this moment, I was really giving myself time to think about things that I like.  Things my head is filled with.  Not necessarily things that I want to talk about because, well, I'm not much of a talker.  But at least things that I think about.  Or do.  And these things make me happy.

Making people beautiful, ---------- -------- ----- ----, blogging, reading, going to bookstores, sitting in a cafe, taking walks, breathing in the city, filling journals, trying to make the space I live in beautiful, dancing, passively consuming images, talking to Sanne on Skype, having dinner at Lidewij's house, being silly with words and ------ ---- -- on Skype, using ---- as a human pillow, taking the underground/Metro, being surrounded by tall buildings, finishing The Fountainhead, sitting on sets with no responsibilities, listening & absorbing & itching to jump into others' scenes in my acting class, being nuzzled by an affectionate cat, traveling on trains with Sanne, picking hot boys out of a crowd, making a housing spreadsheet.

Man, I love the power of censoring myself.  It makes me feel--get ready for this--powerful.

BEDA 09 | Stuff that needs to be covered.

Mmmmmm guys, I just did that thing where you get out of the shower and slather your feet with foot cream and then put on socks.  I haven't done this in aaaaages.  Probably not since summer.  I'm ready for some ballin' feet come morning time.  Also I used the Burt's Bees stuff and it's wafting up in my face and it just smells really nice.

Stuff number... I guess this is two then.  I need to address the whole "can you talk about where you go to university / film school" question.  I get this question at least once a month various places on the internet:  here, tumblr, YouTube comments, etc.  If you're one of those people have asked that question, I want you to understand that I'm not mad or anything and I understand your curiosity, but I am not comfortable with flat out saying where I am going to university.  But hey, I'm graduating in a year [if I stay on this current path], and when I've got my diploma, I'd be happy to talk about where I went, my experience at film school, etc. etc.  It's just not something that I am going to hand out on the internet while I'm still here.  So that is that.  I'll probably still get asked by people who don't read my blog, but oh well.  And if you really that damn curious and can't wait a year, take me out for coffee IRL and I'll see what I can do.

Thing three:  I am so frakin' behind on my acting journals.  So I'm gonna do the one for tonight here.  Y'all ready for this?

BEDA 07 | Älplermagronen

Our sad little student oven.

Annina, my roommate, is from Switzerland and on an exchange semester at my university.  God, I score the best roommates.  She made a huge dish of this stuff called Älplermagronen.  She explained it to me as something Swiss people will have when they go to the mountains to warm up after a long hard day of skiing and remaining neutral on all worldly affairs.  Or it might just be one of those things--possible that I may be artistically paraphrasing somewhere back there.

BEDA 06 | Say Yes

Right, so I've obviously fallen off the BEDA wagon a bit.  But in my defense, I haven't just been sitting around, complaining about not having anything to write out.  I've been out living.  Which is weird for me.  I don't mind sitting.  I actually really like sitting.  But there is some possibility that my life might be shifting around a bit.  Again.  Every day [six months] I'm shufflin', shufflin'.  Because of this, I've been trying to say yes to more things.  And those yeses have had me out of the house or at least off of my laptop.

BEDA 03 | From the lab

My university really does have the most beautiful labs.  While it's not fantastic to be in them at 10:30 before your project is due the next morning at 9, they are still pretty damn gorgeous.  This is my last individual film project for my filmmaking class.  For the final assignment, I've scored the role of editor which I am so freaking excited about.  I don't think I've edited something that I wasn't also involved in some capacity with directing or filming so this will be a pretty awesome experience for me.

Import / Export.

I found a screenshot I took from one of my editing sessions.  This was from my second film?  For some reason I still find it amusing enough to share with you.

What is even going on in this picture?  Feel free to leave captions in the comments.

BEDA 02 | Brain Fuzz

I think my body is slowly shutting down.  How is it possible that my life has revved up to astronomical speeds within the last 24 hours?  I am honestly hurtling into... what the hell am I hurtling into?

*sips orange juice*

So I am still sick.  This is week three of being sick.  Although at this point it really just is a cough so I dunno if you can classify that as still full out sick.  But anyway, pretty much when I talk, it tickles something, and then triggers a coughing fit.

What else can I tell you?  I had a VERY interesting night last night.  cRyPtIc

And tomorrow will be turbo-charged with class from 9 to noon, then emergency filming of my roommate for my final individual film.  I'm gonna do a fashion profile on her and no one's really done anything documentary-style in my class this semester so hopefully that will be not only manageable, but something different.  That has to be ready to screen Wednesday at 9.  Oh lord, tomorrow is gonna be interesting.  And I also have another class from 6 to 10.  My postmodernism class.  I really love the professor in there, but I might have to skip to get my film done.  We'll see, we'll see.

BEDA 01 | Gonna be frank with you.

Am I seriously doing BEDA?  Ugh, god, I don't want to do BEDA.  I mean, I knew it was April, but I completely forgot to make the connection that April also brings BEDA.  I would not even be here if Kayley hadn't posted something on my wall on Facebook.  Damn.

I can't see this being a very cheerful month of BEDA.  I've been making some decisions lately not of the greatest caliber.  And I am now dealing with the consequences.  So perhaps while this will be a noncheery BEDA, at least it will be an honest one.

For example, all the things I have to do.  Today I needed to film my last individual film for uni.  I've now put that off yet another day.  Instead I did the dishes for about three hours (there were a lot of dishes).  And I chatted with people on Skype and I got some new music recommendations.  Some of which I suppose I shall link below.  And then I videotaped myself dancing embarrassingly.  Yes, I am definitely a better dancer when the lights are OFF.  And then in less than two hours I agreed to sit in on a casting session.  When I should be doing preproduction for my own short film and working on my final script for screenwriting and memorizing my lines for tomorrow night's taping of my partner scene in acting class.

Marion's a bit in the stress zone.  And what's worse:  it's a self-induced stress zone.  Catch you darlings tomorrow.  Also leave your handholding condolences in the comments.

Days until final exam:  37

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